PART 1 – The Epiphany
My experience and mind clearing
epiphany begins while lying on a mat in a yoga meditation class. Our regular meeting spot had changed, and we
found ourselves in a new space created specifically for “enhancing the yoga
experience.” Yet, despite that endeavor, we were uncomfortable in this new
space, struggling to center our beings.
Our instructor had graciously listened to our concerns, empathized, and
then reminded us that the practice of yoga isn't about the space in which you are, but instead, is about the space you
find within. As a novice in the practice
of yoga, this is very difficult for me, requiring effort even in the perfect
surroundings.
So, I found myself laying on my
mat, making a mental list of all the things that were hindering my mediation,
blindly, forgetting that I, myself was the biggest hindrance. A rattle in the poor attachment of a light
fixture above to my left, a draft seeping across my knees, an outside light
source hitting my face making my brow rumple, a consistent hum-drum coming from
another activity outside the room, combined with thoughts of the difficulties I
had in finding a place to store my shoes, another person’s agitation at the new
space, and the new, uncomfortable equipment I had just used, all these things
kept me from centering myself.
I then became annoyed at the idea
that I had just wasted an hour of my time in this awful place and promptly
decided that as soon as the class was over, I would march straight out of the
class and tell the provider that I was not pleased! Yes!
Indeed, that is what I intended to do!
But, class was not over just yet.
And so, I would continue to lie quietly, and decided that, as I was not
getting anything out of this experience, I would utilize the time by making mental
notes of other tasks that needed my attention.
I praised myself for taking advantage of the time to be productive while
I impatiently waited for the class to draw to an end. It wouldn't be long. I knew our meditation guide was having
trouble with the new space and the whole dynamic of the situation as well. So, I felt assured that our time would pass
quickly and maybe even be cut short. I
began rolling topics through my mind and making mental lists. After an indeterminate amount of time, I stopped
my list making long enough to wonder; “What was taking so long?” I decided to peek out the corner of my eye at
our instructor to get a sense of how close we were to the end.
In this moment, I was given a
gift. She sat there, our instructor,
calm and quiet. An aura of blue surrounded
her, anchored from green and at her center a speck of purple. I blinked and closed my eyes for the briefest
second to ensure what I was seeing was infact real. Despite all else, she was in that moment in
its entirety. She was that moment. My range of
emotion darted all over. I was shocked
at the abundant flow of thought that was overtaking me. I was mystified at the beauty of her
being. I was envious of the place that
she was. I was sad that I had prevented
myself from going along. And suddenly, I
was anxiety ridden. I wanted to be in
that space too. I was outside, and I
desperately wanted centered in my own space.
My eyes flickered shut. I took
notice of my breath and all the parts of my body that it was reaching. In another instant I was feeling my body and
the space around me. Another long, deep
breath, and I felt the passing of air in me and then through me. I felt like a fish may feel when being put
back in water after being out for some time.
I clearly identified the ebb and flow of my spirit. My body was feeling the area it possessed and
then I was the area. The speed at which all these sensations were
coming to me was so fast, that it was only in later moments that I became cognizant
of them. What an amazing sensation!
Suddenly, it was all
stopping. I felt as though I was being
drawn backward from a string anchored in my stomach. I almost felt pain. What was happened? Why had I stopped? I desperately wanted to move forward, to keep
going. Yet, I was now planted and
feeling confused. I was hearing the most
peculiar rolling noise. I began to make
out words. They were suddenly
clear. “Now, begin to move you’re your
fingers and your toes and stretch in a way that feels most comfortable for
you.” Oh no! It was over!
I had began a beautiful journey and been ripped from it. Why?
Was I being punished? My head
spun, and honestly hurt. I took a breath
and a long moment to bring myself to an upright position. Here, I shook my head a bit to clear the
fog. DAMN! It was all gone! I was now angry; seething that I had been
robbed of so much so quickly. DAMN! Again, the thought stuck me that this whole
hour had been a waste.
Then, for whatever reason, as I
rolled up my mat, and gathered my shoes, my thoughts floated back to a question
posed to us while our instructor read a passage at the beginning of class. “Are
you living in the moment?” As I
began to recite it to myself, I stopped to question my timeline. Was that in fact just less than an hour
ago? It seemed as though so much had
happened since then. Then I realized
that it hadn't been a waste of time.
As quiet murmurings began amongst
other students, once again, my mind began reeling. I was flushed and feeling cramped for space. I had just been handed a huge life lesson and
was now drowning in the simple thought of it.
I tried to still my mind, and collect my being. I needed to exit the room for some air. Destination unknown, I forged my way to the
door and threw it open. Air! Space!
I walked for a moment on shaky knees to a nearby chair. I needed to sit. I grabbed the arm of the chair for support
and without thinking proceeded to plop myself down securely on the ground next to the chair. I needed to calm myself and restore some
order to the barrage of thoughts and ideas that were being thrown at me. I knew that if my conscious being was being
flooded, I could only expect that my subconscious was experiencing an overload
of its own. I took a breath and placed
my forehead to my palms. Breathe, just
breathe…
PART 2 – A Side Note
I feel it is of great importance to mention once again that
I am a novice in the practice of Yoga. As
I think back to the experience I had as I've written it to share, I smile to
think that if it would not have been my own experience, I might write it off as
a “story” or a enhancement of a incident for the purpose of theatrics. Auras?
Yeah, right! Visions? Simple, mindless thoughts. Metaphysical connections? What are you smoking?! I like to think that I am an open and
thoughtful individual, but still well anchored in reality. While the ideals of yoga are relaxing to
contemplate, and the thoughts of the metaphysical are interesting to toy with, I
have, for the most part remained cynical as to the level of reality when
considering such things. Ok, maybe they
do exist, and maybe one person is very in tune with their inner person, but
REALLY, how much is imagined or created in their own mind.
I myself come from a very religious upbringing. I am very grateful for the knowledge and
discipline that years of study and practice have taught me. I was raised to understand and consciously practice
ideals based in organized religion. As
is the case in most organized religious forums, I was expected to be intimately
familiar with the beliefs that were the foundation of our practice. Above and beyond the ideas and basis of my
religion, I was expected to have a good grasp of other religions and their ideals. To this day, I find that I have a general
knowledge of others religions that is greater than many of their own
members. As I've mentioned, I am
grateful for the requirements that were placed upon me as I have found that it
has allowed me to be respectful of different belief systems, knowing that it is
the ability to believe that is a religion in itself. And beliefs, whatever they might be must be
respected. Therefore, it is by means of
respect, that our lives are balanced, and it is by means of balance that we
continue to grow and learn.
I will not be so vain as to stake claim to the understanding
of my life, or even the simple realization of my existence, let alone other
being’s purpose. Most of the time I do
in fact feel at a loss. I will not try
and convince you that I even begin to understand the extensive realm about me,
and the vast openness of the universe.
That would be ignorance. I only
know that I have much to learn in this life.
But Dear reader, before I continue, I wanted to clarify that
this reality that was coming clear to me was not one that I asked for, or would
have even given a second thought about up until this day. I believe it was my time, the right time for
me to grasp this lesson. I was open to
the thought and it came; just as it was supposed to. I don’t consider my self to be fanatical, and
generally find that ideas such as those I am writing about usually strike me as
a bit “out there” or “quacky.” So, I expect some may have similar thoughts as I
move forward and continue to explain my personal revelation. Despite that, I am sharing because it is my hope
that you will find something that rings true to you. It is my hope in sharing this that you might
be able to extract from my experience, some small bit that will provide a piece
to the puzzle of your own journey. And
to be totally honest, it is in the writing of my experience that I am selfishly
solidifying this gift in words for myself.
PART 3 -
…In and out. Slow and
steady. I had been sitting still trying
to collect my thoughts for a few moments.
Or was it longer? I shifted my
weight and realized that my neck was feeling tired. Slowly, my senses were coming back to me. Why was I sitting on the floor? Why was I in the middle of the hallway? And, GOD!
Why was my head throbbing?! Slowly,
or recollection came to me. OH,
yes! I remember. I just finished a very odd yoga class. Suddenly, I felt very conspicuous and stood
quickly. I was a bit dizzy, but assumed
that was due to forcing myself upright in such a hurry. While arranging my clothing I glanced around
to ensure that no one was watching me and was relieved to find that the hallway
was clear. It seemed as if my presence
had gone unnoticed. I jostled my head
left and then right in an attempt to clear my thoughts. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught sight
of the clock on the wall. 11:48? Class had ended over twenty minutes ago. I tried to account for the time, but was
vigorously reminded of the pounding in my temples. This is ridiculous, I chided to myself. I am in control. I can account for the past twenty-eight
minutes, especially since I was in a public place. Once again, my head rang with my thumping
pulse. SCREW IT! I was exhausted and just wanted to go
home.
At home I ate a small lunch in hopes that my headache would
diminish to no avail. I attempted to
call a friend to chat, but was relieved when her voice mail picked up. I was just too tired to think. I moved from room to room in a daze. I found warm comfy places and took
cat-naps. Most of the afternoon was
blur. None of the to-do items that I had
made mental list of were accomplished. Later
that evening, amidst a splitting headache, I couldn't recall leaving the yoga
class. As frustrating as the thought
was, I couldn't focus, and finally gave in to sleep.
I didn't awaken but one time during the night. You may not think anything of this, but I am
not a sound sleeper and rarely, if at all, sleep for more than a couple hours
before waking throughout the night. Many
nights I toss and turn for long periods, eventually drifting to sleep out of
pure exhaustion. But this night was
different. I woke only once and it was
for the briefest of moments. I was wide
awake in that instant. One thought
passed through my conscious mind.
TEA. I looked at the thought as
if it was hovering above me for a moment.
I realized that I was drifting back away, asleep, as quickly as I had
come. For a split second I felt a sense
of panic. I didn't want to loose this
thought. I wanted to know more, and I
feared sleep would rob me of it. ,
knowing that I could sleep well and that my thought would still be there when I
awoke. And most importantly, I could let
go, relax, and sleep deep because I would
and that I would know what to do with it.
The practice of “tea” is thousands of years old. Its history is “steeped” in legend and
tradition. Being an intricate part of
many cultures as early as 2737 B.C, whether a means for enhancing social circles, soothing the body and soul, or
promoting inner peace, it is described as nothing less than simple, yet
ceremonial art form. Tried and tested,
this form of art has stood the test of time.
Tea has been adaptable to all societies taking on their customs and
individual flare without loosing its own integrity. In its extraordinary simplicity we may find
its most valuable attribute. A priceless
treasure in our fast paced day and age: Calm.
The root of the problem; A world that moves so quickly.
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